College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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