oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
