just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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