the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
