Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
