Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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