Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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