I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
