Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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