Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
where are my eyebrows?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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