That's when you crack a 10am beer
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he just fucked me for my cheese.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
