no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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