I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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