Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
