so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
