I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
