the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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