I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
