nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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