He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
