yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
