You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
