You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
