oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
