so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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