This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
