Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
