I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
