he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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