I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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