i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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