I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
