OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
