I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
