so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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