wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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