She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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