Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
