If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
