Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
