I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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