Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so let's talk penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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