Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
