i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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