And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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