Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
