Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
