just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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