I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
