I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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