small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
