I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
