There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
